Egon the rabbit and me: Inconvenient brain

``If the school year was a month, I would be 25th grade.'', said a eight  years old girl to me. ``Yes, if a month had four weeks, and a week was the school year, what you will be?'' But she has already lost her interest. I usually found her idea interesting.

I: Egon, do you love someone?

Egon: Love? What does it mean?

I: ... It's hard to explain. If I love someone, I care someone, I wish this someone is all right, I wish this someone is happy.

Egon: If that is the love, maybe I love everything.

I: I love someone. But not everyone.

Egon: Why not?

I: I don't know. If I love a woman, I wanted to be with her. But not all women.

Egon: I see you love someone, but why you want to be with her?

I: I don't know why. But usually if I love someone, I want to be with someone.

Egon: Sounds good.

I: I don't know. Actually it's not good in case that someone whom I love doesn't like me. A few women honestly told me that is disgusting and two women made it clear that I am disgusting.

One of Egon's ear is listening to me, but the other ear is pointed to somewhere else. Maybe he is bored talking with me.

I: I like a story. In the story, one man send a flower everyday to a woman. He spends some time with her every day. But the woman is sick or something and may not survive so long. One day, a gray man came to him and said he was wasting his time.

Egon: ...

I: I think he is not wasting time.

Egon: Wasting time or not is just a perception.

I: A gray man's point is he could find other woman who could spend more time with him. One point in the future, he lost her and it would be hard for him.

Egon: Every second there is a chance to lose something. A long life is not necessary good.

I felt a cool wind, I felt gentle sunshine. I heard Egon is eating leaves.

I: Are you happy, Egon?

Egon: I don't know what your question is. Why you asked me?

I: I use to think happiness is important. But, I am now not sure of that. When I see you, I think that thinking happiness sometimes causes me unhappy.

Egon: But you cannot stop thinking, can you?

I: I cannot.

Egon: You were also once like that eight years old girl. She told me you look sometimes sad.

I: I am not sure I am sad or not. But I better consider her intuition.

Egon: It seems you know what your heart talk, but you cannot follow that. I found your brain is inconvenient. You can think, you can feel, that makes you sad.

An inconvenient brain. Too much is too less. If I could think more, that makes me sad. If I could feel joy more, I can also feel more pain. The gray man also represents so called reasonable idea. What did Bernard Shaw say about a reasonable person...

By the way, 100th grade is the answer of the early question. You would say that I only have a lot of stupid answers, but I don't have any important answer, Egon.

Acknowledgments

I thank to I.M.R. who told me a grade could be just an arbitrary number.