Mathematics, programming, and a little bit of my life.
Carpe diem for Billy
An author, Kilgore Trout, uses star system in his novels. Therefore, the same person shows up in the different stories. One of them are Billy. Billy's story is impressive for me, so I will write it here.
In a certain Billy's story, Billy confronted a problem in his life. He lost the meaning of his life. He tried to re-invent it by reading science fictions. Since he tried other literatures, but they could not give him the meaning of his life. It was the last his hope. But since his problem was in the fourth dimensional space in this world, he cannot recognize it. He asked for a help to a physiologist.
One day, he saw a talk video of a famous person who recently passed away. He told people: every morning, he asked himself in the mirror, ``If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?'' and whenever the answer has been 'no' too many days in a row, he knew he needed a change. Although Billy heard this idea before, he was moved by the speaker's talk as he heard it first time. The speaker said, ``Everyone somehow knows what truly wants to do.''
Billy thought if he tried to find the meaning by this method, this must be almost real for him. This should not be just a concept to him. Billy decided the deadline, the last day of his life. If he could not find the meaning until the deadline, that day shall be his last day. Billy might be able to find the meaning of his life with this method. But if it took too long for him, it would be no worth for him. Because everyday became a pain for him.
For a first few weeks, this idea didn't give him the meaning. But he can see the world more clear. At least he understand what he don't want to do today. His interest to his life started to regain the meaning a bit. He still could not feel real that today was the last day of his life, but he could feel it will ends soon enough.
But, at the end, he could not find the meaning before his deadline day. Therefore, he has left this world. Although, his last days were a bit better than the days even he could not find the meaning. I suppose that is still a good thing. So it goes.